I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize