When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
