She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
