You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
