I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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