All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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