i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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