Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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