I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
