My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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