I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
