The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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