things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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