I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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