Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
