dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
