If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
