If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
