Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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