i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
