I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
