we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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