i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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