why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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