She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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