Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
