You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's blow job season.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bring me that man meat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
