And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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