I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
