It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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