so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize