whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
