hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
