Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
