I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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