so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
