Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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