We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
