i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize