i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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