I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
