Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

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(416): View more from Ontario

Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital

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(914): View more from New York

i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"

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(973): View more from New Jersey

$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

math is fun

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(573): View more from Missouri

On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

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(336): View more from North Carolina

after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.

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(706): View more from Georgia

But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.

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(309): View more from Illinois

No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know

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