You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize