his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
