Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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