the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
