Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
