you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
