Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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