do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
