Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
