is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
