My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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