Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize