how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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