My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
