What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
