We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
