i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
