I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
