Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
