so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize