meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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