She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
