the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
