I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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