I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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