She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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