My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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