Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
